The Cicada Hotel

Oh, what a start I had to my day!

My oldest son decided to keep his bat bag on the porch so he could grab it easily.  We have an away game tonight, so we had to bring everything with us.  When he went to get it, the bag was covered in cicadas.  I told him to quit being a sissy and brush them off.  Wellll, the part where you put the bat was open.  It looked like there were a few inside the opening so I was trying to brush them out with the broom, as he was whacking them with a plastic bat.  That's right, we are very mature.  As soon as we started hitting the bag, it started SCREAMING.  Now, I am not sure it's entirely appropriate, but once that happened I am pretty sure that I joined them!!!  We dropped the bag, and cicadas started pouring out of it.  Ummmmmmm, holy poop on a stick!!!  So we did the rational, logical thing:  we grabbed the helmet and glove out of the closed section and ran for our lives!!!!!!

So of course I was really late for work, because that started a whole chain reaction.  In our attempt to save ourselves, we forgot his trumpet so I had to go back home and get it and take it back to daycare.  Then they had started road work and had a lane closed because I was so late.  Apparently I was not the only one who was late today, because there sure were a lot of people for me to yell at on the way =)

Misdirected Complaints

The theory of complaining about something is to bring about a change, correct?  I'm not talking about whining about life in general, but in a real life situation.  For instance, if you go to a store and the line is 3 miles long and there is only one register open, you would complain to a manager with the hopes of them opening more registers.  Now, say the only person around is the guy that collects carts.  Do you really expect complaining to that guy to compel change?  I have nothing against that guy.  I am sure he is a great worker.  However, he has absolutely nothing to do with the situation you wish to have changed.

I bet you're wondering where this is coming from and/or going.  Wellllllllll, here is the most entertaining part of my evening last night:

Both of my kids play baseball.  My husband has been very involved in coaching since the get-go.  This year he is the coach of the little one, and the assistant for the big.  Last night we played THE team to beat.  They unfortunately are still undefeated, but we gave them a run for their money, and only lost by 1 run!!!  Hot dog!  Our coach had other commitments, so he couldn't be there.  The other assistant had to be at a different game.  So there we are, my husband and myself, and a volunteer parent helping as a base coach.  As the team mom I am responsible for sending out emails about practice and weather cancellations and left behind items.  I also have been keeping the score book.  So last night, I was an "acting" assistant coach.  Tell me why, please if you will, one of the parents decided that Iiii was the appropriate person to complain to about their child not getting enough play time IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME.  Yes sir, you nailed that one.  The THREE coaches leave it up to me, the team mom, to come up with the line-up for each game.  For sure.  Now, I am not saying one way or another how I feel about his concerns.  I appreciate parents that go to bat, so to speak, for their kids.  However, if you pick an inappropriate time to make your complaints, and then do so to the absolutely wrong person, you should expect your complaint to be giggled at.  Perhaps I should take it as a compliment.  Maybe I am so efficient that he was sure I have an impact on that.  Or maybe I am so awesome that he thinks I do the line-up too.  I think I'm gonna run with that =D

Kids Grow Up Too Fast

I know, I know.  Everybody always says that.  I am usually pretty ok with it.  I consider myself to be mostly level-headed and not over-emotional.  I don't get all sappy at birthdays.  Surprisingly I didn't cry on the first day of school.  I try to spend my time enjoying my kids at whatever stage they're in, instead of moping about the things I can't do anymore.

However........ I read something yesterday that has me cringing and begging time to please be kind and slow down NOW.  In "Parenting" magazine, there was an article headlined as "Answers to OMG questions about S-E-X."  Curious, I sought out the article.  The age group this targets is called tweens, which from what I have seen is 10 to 12 year olds.  And then the panic set in.  My oldest son will be 10 this summer.  Holy hell!  I have no desire what-so-ever to discuss calmly what oral sex means.  I had already started mentally preparing for how to handle "alone time," since I have boys, but this took things to a whole new level.  Now I am freaking the eff out.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I always wanted to be the kind of parent that my kids could go to about anything.  Anything at all.  I think when I made that decision that I forgot about this topic.  Pretty sure.  Yep, I was thinking about bullying and, um, trends and current events.  Not that I have anything against sex.  Actually I think that is part of my fear.  How much information is enough and how much is too much?  Please, oh please, can't we go back to matchbox cars and Little Golden Books???

Thoughtful Mother's Day Gifts

You know how exciting it is to see that hand-decorated bag that you know contains the cutest something in the world??????  Oh, it's like none other!

......except this year, when I opened the bag that my little guy was so excited about, it was three little plants growing in a plastic cup.  How my heart sank.  Not plants, please, not plants.  He is so happy; he worked so hard!  He cared for them, watered them, watched them grow, and in less than a week I have killed them.  How is it that my five year old managed them for over a month, and I couldn't make it a week?  Worst. Mother. EVER.  

How do you explain to your child that you can't be trusted with living vegetation?  I mean I guess there should be a bonus system that I have managed to feed and water my offspring with enough regularity that they are thriving, and also a cat.  That should count for something, right???

And I know they are beefing up what our kids learn in school, but they really have to tie mother's day into science projects now?  They still have art, right?  They couldn't squeeze in a "make-something-from-your-handprint" project in there?  Why??????????????????????????????

Random Musings

Goooooooood morning!!!

Today inside of my head feels like a badly written sitcom.  I am not sure if it's too much allergy medicine, my children sucking the sanity right out of me, or if I am just plain losing my marbles.  Regardless, here are some of the highlights from my morning.

The cicadas are here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Aaaaaaaah!  Run for your lives!!!!!!
Now that we have that out of the way.........
They are here.  For real.  This morning when we went to leave, there were little dead body shells all over the driveway, and the cicadas were hanging out on the tires of my car.  Weirdos.  Now, I don't really have any issue with them.  I prefer not to hang out and make friends, but I don't really feel the need to freak out. Except today I am wearing flip-flops, and I had to maneuver around dead bug carcasses.  EWWWWW.  And because I have small children, I try to maintain composure about things like this.  You know, when there's a bee, and on the inside you just know that it's going to sting us all and we're going to magically develop an instantaneous allergy that we've never had before and all of us will fall dead on the spot, but you stay all calm and use your magic mommy voice to tell your kids to not freak out and the bee will leave us alone.  Same thing.  Can't the cicadas stay on the grass where they belong???  Don't they know that my PAVED driveway is not part of nature?  It's man-made.  Not your territory.  Go hang out on the tree that is maybe 5 feet away, and stop littering my driveway with your shells.  Because God knows, my foot might fall off if my naked toe touches a cicada body.

To top off that near death experience, both of the kids had meltdown morning.  To put it mildly, that means that both of them had near death experiences also.  I have never been so happy to get to work.  Alone.  I have been sitting here for a long time enjoying the quiet.  Don't tell anybody; people might come talk to me then.

On the way here, I saw a car with Montana tags.  We live near several military facilities, so seeing out of state tags is not uncommon, but I had never seen one from Montana before.  At the top, it says that Montana is the "Treasure State."  This, friends, made me laugh out loud.  I feel like that is a trick to try to get people to go there.  Nobody ever says, Oh, I'm going to Montana.  So, to get people intrigued they call themselves the treasure state.  The only thing that could've made that better is if there were a little map with a big red X.  Nothing against anybody from Montana.  I am sure it is a wonderful place.  I would like to go there someday, but I do not expect to do so pirate-style.

For the record, I am an equal opportunity hater of state slogans.  For example, I live in Maryland.  The "free state."  Says who???  They are taxing the RAIN here now.  Virginia, they say, is for lovers.  The only thing I can tell that they love is bad driving.  See?  I hate everybody =]