The Credit Card That Almost Could Buy Stuff

I have been battling for months with our phone provider at work to upgrade our service from the terrible antique analog lines to the new digital lines.  It took forever to set up, and then several attempts to install, and over a month later it still does not function correctly.  Sigh.  As part of this *wonderful* deal (notice the sarcasm identifiers *), we were promised a $100 VISA gift card, which arrived in the mail today.  I was so excited!  ....Except it seems that they have found a way to funk this up also.  You can only use it at the list of approved merchants.  What???  Doesn't the VISA part of that deal indicate that it can be used as a VISA?  It's not a store card or a restaurant gift card; it is normally treated as money and accepted everywhere!!!!!!

Now, I am sure I sound like a spoiled brat right now.  Trust me, I am glad I at least got $100 out of this experience, since nothing else good has come of it.  However, I am more than a little pissed that I can't use this well-deserved pittance on the ALCOHOL that this fiasco clearly warrants.

Who Says Romance Is Dead?

I have been attacked by a terrible, vicious stomach bug this week.  It's really strange, because I am still hungry, and my stomach is even more angry if I don't eat.  Anyway, I feel like death.

So last night, knowing my husband had to go to bed because he leaves in the middle of the night for work, I toughed it out...sort of.  I slept upright on the couch, while the kids watched a movie, and then I went to bed.

How is it that he KNEW I was sick, yet this morning my husband asked me why I hadn't made his lunch?  I can not even muster enough energy to be angry about this.  I am going to have to store it in my memory banks for later.  I hope he understands one day in the future when I throw a random object at his HEAD that he did indeed deserve it.

Why is it that when a man is sick, the entire world stops?  Oh, my neck and my back, I am going to bed...  But when I am sick?  Psh, girl there's nothing wrong with you, make my lunch.  Seriously?  In my next life I really want to come back as a man.

*** To his (ittybitty) credit, he did ask how I was feeling this morning, and then told me I should go to the doctor.  I am not sure how he thinks a dr is going to help a bug.  Is it wrong that in my head he just wants me to be able to make his lunch tonight?

K

I am sure by now, most people have figured out that I am not always a reasonable person.  Today, though, I was really trying to be.  I tried to express my feelings in a mature way without freaking out or pointing fingers or making other people freak out.  However, if we are having a conversation and I write all this crap on my new no-keyboard phone that is the length of the war and peace cliff notes, and you respond with "K" I might, just maybe, lose my ish.

K?  Are you effing kidding me???????????????????????????  Why does anybody even think that to be an actual reply?  Aside from acknowledging if someone asks you to stop by the store and it only requires acknowledgement, you should expect this response if you throw a random letter out.

Probably I shouldn't talk to people anymore today.  My reasonableness was a fleeting moment.

Just Call Me Oscar

Sometimes I wish grown-ups could get away with temper tantrums like little kids do.  There are absolutely times when it should be perfectly reasonable to lay on the floor and kick and scream and throw things and... well you get my point.  I guess all of the crazy seems to happen on the same day so that you can enjoy the rest of the days, but wow.  It really needs to spread out.

The best part is all of the crazy seems to happen to other people on the same day.  So all day long you have all of these grouchy people grouching at each other.  I am really trying to limit my contact with people today, but it's just not working out.  I just need to find a trash can and make myself a home.  Except they probably don't even make metal trash cans anymore.  So I would be grouchy about that too.

Must be the Money Tree

I am constantly amazed by some people's interpretations of how things work.  I witnessed this phenomena on facebook a couple of days ago, and I just can't shake it.

An acquaintance posted an angry rant about someone being rude and making comments about them being on the WIC program.  Meh, people are nuts, so I paid no mind.  I am sorry you are worked up.  But, this person kept posting things.  From what I can decipher, someone commented about how their tax dollars support this person, yet they can afford an iphone.  Now, I don't really have an opinion here.  I happen to think that the WIC program is a great program to have.  It helps to make sure that kids have enough to eat and educates about healthy eating.

BUT...in the angry moment they were having, they continued on and commented something along the lines of WIC being a federally funded program, and that people should get the facts before saying that their tax dollars pay for something.

Ummmmmm.........what???  Where exactly do you think federal funds come from?  Is there a money tree behind the White House?  Perhaps they harvest it at the same time as the garden?  It matters not which government agency funds a program.  WE, THE TAX PAYING CITIZENS, PAY FOR IT!!!!

A Small Sex Ed Lesson

Last night my youngest son came running out to me naked.  He wanted to know what his man pieces are called.  So I directed him to the bedroom to discuss.  For some reason I didn't find the kitchen an appropriate place to have this conversation.  Anyway...  I asked him if he was looking for the grown up word or the kid term, and he said grown up.  So I gave it to him straight - testicles.  Then he asked what do they do.  I told him that they will help him make babies when he is grown up and has a wife.  He says "Whoa, babies shoot outta there???"  Ummm, no.  "Oh, so there are babies in there???"  Still no.  Babies only grow in Mommy tummies, not Daddy tummies.  The poor guy had such a bummed look and said "aww, I wanted to have a baby."  Yes, he is crazy.  After a tiny pause he asked what the kid word was, and I said that I am not the authority here, but I think most boys call them balls.  He snorted and said:

"No.  I am going to call mine chemicals."

Uh.  That's close to what I said.  We'll just go with that.  Still this morning my older son was trying to correct it, but nope, that's what he has in his head, so chemicals they are!

I am still laughing hysterically about this!  I could barely type it without laughing out loud!  =D

Nothing Nice To Say

I wish that there was a way to un-know some people.  I'm not talking about the crazy guy from high school that friended you on facebook.  You can hide him, or unfriend him, or ignore him.  But no.  I have people in my life that are either family or have some connection to family that even if I didn't have to see their crazy on facebook, it would still be in my life.  Facebook only speeds up the process, saving countless phone calls no doubt.

Because it's just poor manners to do so to their faces (or their profiles), here is what I really think:

Wow, you're going to try to be a nurse???  That is awesome.  I can not imagine how you would think it a good idea to be in any way responsible for another person's health or well being when you can't even manage to make dinner or bathe your children.  We'll talk about your bar habits later.  Add to that the fact that you're the laziest jerkface I've ever met, and I am sure you'll do GREAT.

Whoa, you're having a baby???  With another guy who's been in and out of jail?  And you'll have 3 baby daddies?  Hot dog.  And you shared with the world that one of your other kids is glad their dad isn't the father?  Classy.  Real classy.

I texted another awesome person this week asking for something.  Like in the form of a question even.  Something that one might say "Oh, I should ANSWER THAT."  Nope.  No response.  So I followed up the next day asking if they got the text and received this response "yes."  I think it must just be me that finds that asshat response to be perfectly infuriating.  Yes what?  Yes you will do what I asked?  Yes you got the message?  Yes you intended to ignore me?  I just can't figure it.  I do know that yes, they succeeded in making flames emerge from my eyeballs.  Maybe that's what they were going for.

Sadly, all of these events are real life.  I couldn't make this ish up if I tried.