The rules apply to me too??

We are having repairs done on our leaky roof at work.....finally.  The roof guy asked us all to park around the side so he could do whatever he needed to do at the front of the building, so we worked it out with everyone in the building.  So how come when we got here this morning, there are two cars parked out front?  Apparently people from the company next door have decided that they are going to use our lot.  Ohhhhhh, ok.  There are several bus and limo companies that use the lot on the other side of the building, and the owner of the lot said the drivers couldn't park there anymore because they weren't paying extra to do so.  So now the people that won't let them park there for free are going to use our lot for free???  Um, no.  So I went over to discuss this with them, and the lady I was speaking with was telling me how the buses are out front when she gets there so she's been parking in our lot, and she's going to find out who the other person is and talk to them about it.  We were out there for probably 10 minutes.  At the end she says, "so just let me know if you ever need me to move my car."  What. The. Heck.  I am certain I couldn't have been any more clear.  I told her again that I need her to park in her own lot.  She looked at me like I was the devil, and said "Me?  Oh."

Sigh.  How in the world are you going to pretend like I hadn't been talking for 10 minutes?  Why should it not apply to you?  And why is it MY problem that YOUR buses are parking in front of your parking spot???  Just shoot me now.  So now I am that guy.  The a-hole.  Because I speak English, and others speak entitled.

Tough to be a fat kid

Oh how I hate Jillian Michaels right now.  And week 2 of her torture.  I just had to give myself a pep talk to get off the floor.  It hurts to hold my arms up high enough to type this.  Parts of me hurt that I didn't even know I had.  Sigh.  That whole cool down thing?  Psh.  Screw that.  I laid on my mat and sweated until the terrible music came back on.  Oh how I long to have my high school metabolism.  Not to mention that figure (insert whistle).  Oh how sorry I am that I didn't treasure and flaunt that body more while I had it!!!!

In conclusion, if I can't wear my new [more than a little inappropriate] bathing suit by the end of this 30 days,  I am going to be mad, mad, MAD.  I might have to seek her out, though I would have to run her over with my car.  For sure I won't be able to use this mangled body to do anything useful.

Urgent Medical Decions

I have a tick bite.  It is large and red and itches like whoa.  I am pretty sure that I should seek medical attention.  What if it is lyme disease?  Or infected?  Or the tick was carrying the famous your-limbs-are-gonna-fall-off disorder?

Well, here's the thing.  The stupid jerk face of a tick couldn't just bite me and make my life miserable, but it had to bite me right on the A$$.  Yup.  So now I am trying to decide if the possibility of dying from some crazy tick bite disease is worth going and baring my bum for them to tell me that it's just a bite.  Because you know, after all of that, that will be all that it is.  I think a wait and see position is appropriate.

The Cicada Hotel

Oh, what a start I had to my day!

My oldest son decided to keep his bat bag on the porch so he could grab it easily.  We have an away game tonight, so we had to bring everything with us.  When he went to get it, the bag was covered in cicadas.  I told him to quit being a sissy and brush them off.  Wellll, the part where you put the bat was open.  It looked like there were a few inside the opening so I was trying to brush them out with the broom, as he was whacking them with a plastic bat.  That's right, we are very mature.  As soon as we started hitting the bag, it started SCREAMING.  Now, I am not sure it's entirely appropriate, but once that happened I am pretty sure that I joined them!!!  We dropped the bag, and cicadas started pouring out of it.  Ummmmmmm, holy poop on a stick!!!  So we did the rational, logical thing:  we grabbed the helmet and glove out of the closed section and ran for our lives!!!!!!

So of course I was really late for work, because that started a whole chain reaction.  In our attempt to save ourselves, we forgot his trumpet so I had to go back home and get it and take it back to daycare.  Then they had started road work and had a lane closed because I was so late.  Apparently I was not the only one who was late today, because there sure were a lot of people for me to yell at on the way =)

Misdirected Complaints

The theory of complaining about something is to bring about a change, correct?  I'm not talking about whining about life in general, but in a real life situation.  For instance, if you go to a store and the line is 3 miles long and there is only one register open, you would complain to a manager with the hopes of them opening more registers.  Now, say the only person around is the guy that collects carts.  Do you really expect complaining to that guy to compel change?  I have nothing against that guy.  I am sure he is a great worker.  However, he has absolutely nothing to do with the situation you wish to have changed.

I bet you're wondering where this is coming from and/or going.  Wellllllllll, here is the most entertaining part of my evening last night:

Both of my kids play baseball.  My husband has been very involved in coaching since the get-go.  This year he is the coach of the little one, and the assistant for the big.  Last night we played THE team to beat.  They unfortunately are still undefeated, but we gave them a run for their money, and only lost by 1 run!!!  Hot dog!  Our coach had other commitments, so he couldn't be there.  The other assistant had to be at a different game.  So there we are, my husband and myself, and a volunteer parent helping as a base coach.  As the team mom I am responsible for sending out emails about practice and weather cancellations and left behind items.  I also have been keeping the score book.  So last night, I was an "acting" assistant coach.  Tell me why, please if you will, one of the parents decided that Iiii was the appropriate person to complain to about their child not getting enough play time IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME.  Yes sir, you nailed that one.  The THREE coaches leave it up to me, the team mom, to come up with the line-up for each game.  For sure.  Now, I am not saying one way or another how I feel about his concerns.  I appreciate parents that go to bat, so to speak, for their kids.  However, if you pick an inappropriate time to make your complaints, and then do so to the absolutely wrong person, you should expect your complaint to be giggled at.  Perhaps I should take it as a compliment.  Maybe I am so efficient that he was sure I have an impact on that.  Or maybe I am so awesome that he thinks I do the line-up too.  I think I'm gonna run with that =D

Kids Grow Up Too Fast

I know, I know.  Everybody always says that.  I am usually pretty ok with it.  I consider myself to be mostly level-headed and not over-emotional.  I don't get all sappy at birthdays.  Surprisingly I didn't cry on the first day of school.  I try to spend my time enjoying my kids at whatever stage they're in, instead of moping about the things I can't do anymore.

However........ I read something yesterday that has me cringing and begging time to please be kind and slow down NOW.  In "Parenting" magazine, there was an article headlined as "Answers to OMG questions about S-E-X."  Curious, I sought out the article.  The age group this targets is called tweens, which from what I have seen is 10 to 12 year olds.  And then the panic set in.  My oldest son will be 10 this summer.  Holy hell!  I have no desire what-so-ever to discuss calmly what oral sex means.  I had already started mentally preparing for how to handle "alone time," since I have boys, but this took things to a whole new level.  Now I am freaking the eff out.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I always wanted to be the kind of parent that my kids could go to about anything.  Anything at all.  I think when I made that decision that I forgot about this topic.  Pretty sure.  Yep, I was thinking about bullying and, um, trends and current events.  Not that I have anything against sex.  Actually I think that is part of my fear.  How much information is enough and how much is too much?  Please, oh please, can't we go back to matchbox cars and Little Golden Books???

Thoughtful Mother's Day Gifts

You know how exciting it is to see that hand-decorated bag that you know contains the cutest something in the world??????  Oh, it's like none other!

......except this year, when I opened the bag that my little guy was so excited about, it was three little plants growing in a plastic cup.  How my heart sank.  Not plants, please, not plants.  He is so happy; he worked so hard!  He cared for them, watered them, watched them grow, and in less than a week I have killed them.  How is it that my five year old managed them for over a month, and I couldn't make it a week?  Worst. Mother. EVER.  

How do you explain to your child that you can't be trusted with living vegetation?  I mean I guess there should be a bonus system that I have managed to feed and water my offspring with enough regularity that they are thriving, and also a cat.  That should count for something, right???

And I know they are beefing up what our kids learn in school, but they really have to tie mother's day into science projects now?  They still have art, right?  They couldn't squeeze in a "make-something-from-your-handprint" project in there?  Why??????????????????????????????