Things That Are Beyond My Control

I know it has been a long time since I last posted.  Mostly that has been because of a terrible, crazy family situation that I wasn't sure it was appropriate to be discussing.  But since this is my blog, where I come to sort myself out, and I don't plan on using names, then I am going to give it a whirl.

We have a family member that is struggling with addiction.  This family member has a 5 month old daughter, that has been in my husband's and my care since early January.  (As a side note, sleep deprivation may also have influenced the lack of posting.  Maybe.)  Our whole family has done everything we can all think of to help this person.

Yes, I am aware that using "they" is not grammatically correct, but for the sake of anonymity this person will now be known as "they."

It is becoming apparent that even though they asked for help, they are not ready to receive it.  They left the baby in our care to go to rehab.  The insurance approved 14 days, which is way more than the normal insurance approves apparently.  I feel like that is not enough time to learn the tools to overcome addiction, but it's not my show to run.  When they were released, they came to our house to stay, so they could be with the baby and continue in an out-patient program.  They don't have a vehicle or a job, so we thought it was fairly safe.  Apparently though, when they got out of rehab, they went straight to the liquor store.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight there.  WHO DOES THAT????????????????????  I might still be a little angry about that.  So, they brought some with them.  Once that supply was gone, they went through my house until they found where I had hidden the alcohol we had.  Of course, all of this was unbeknownst to us.  We thought the drowsiness was due to side effects of medications.  But no.  For days, we left the baby in their care, and they were drinking heavily the whole time.  Once that was discovered they went to stay with a different family member, and the baby stayed with us.  But they have been unable to stay clean, so now the family has been left with no choice but to help them get into a shelter.  There have been several emergency room visits, and even a near death experience.  Even that wasn't enough of an eye opener to get them to stop.  They are supposed to be going into a 28 day program as soon as there is an opening and then possibly long term care, but nothing seems certain right now.

I am really struggling with having no control over anything.  My instincts want me to take control of the situation and force some action, some help, some gratitude, some honesty, some accountability.  I feel like a terrible person for having to step away from this person, even though I know that I am only trying to protect my children, and theirs.  We have to protect those that can't protect themselves.  This person is a grown up and supposedly should be able to make their own decisions.  Truly, I get that.  That does not make it easier.  Not a teeny tiny little bit.

Yesterday I went to pick them up so they could see the baby for the day, but when I got there they were drunk.  I had to leave them there.  In the cold.  With no place to go.  I have never felt so terrible or miserable in my entire life.  I felt shattered; like I was turning my back on my family.  There wasn't another choice.  The baby was in the back seat, crying.  My children were home.  They were told that they could only come if they were sober.  This is a choice they made.  And still I feel terrible.

Behind the times...

Holy wow, it's been a long time since I posted.  I think that's because I have been so busy and my life has been full of nonsense.  Hmmmm, how about a summary:

1.  Football is finally over!!!!  Don't worry, we have found plenty of ways to occupy that free time.
2.  Some lady crashed into my car while I was trying to leave the pharmacy with my antibiotics because I was sick.  2 days before Thanksgiving.  It was awesome.  I can pretty much guarantee that after taking almost 2 weeks to accept liability, the guy handling the claim through her insurance company does not wish to speak to me EVER again!
3.  Thanks to #2 (hahaha) I am having to attend 3 chiropractor sessions per week to get my neck back to not freaking out.
4.  My family really pulled together to help make Thanksgiving yummy, delicious, and a good time.
5.  My oldest son especially deserves an award!  He was so wonderful!  Gave his little brother a bath for me, and while he was playing in the bath he cleaned the rest of the bathroom!  He is growing up so fast!
6.  The car is mostly fixed.  There are some paint issues that the shop assures me they can fix quickly when I come by to bring the check for the deductible that the insurance company sent to me "by accident."
7.  The tenant issue.....AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  They decided they were going to tell us off every time they spoke to us.  My husband handled all of the court proceedings and got a judgement to be able to evict them forcefully.  I am so thankful he handled that because, quite frankly, I try to avoid the legal system.  I can never break the law.  Traffic court totally stresses me out.  Anyway, my husband agreed that if they would just go, we wouldn't go after them for the back rent.  Apparently they took that as a reason to celebrate and party it up, because at 5am this Saturday morning I was wakened by a terrible smell, and discovered that they were smoking weed down there, which came through the vent system and filled my entire house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No, not joking.  These a$$holes have not paid rent, but can buy drugs??!!??!!?!?!?!?!  LIVID.  So we went down and banged on the door, and truly, she started telling us off again!  WTH?  How is this possible???  We are kicking them out at Christmas and to give them a break.  Ummm, we have been paying for you to live for free.  And you have been nothing but jerk faces and now you're doing drugs in my HOUSE????????  After totally losing her marbles she said "you know what?  We're leaving tonight!"  Ha!  My wish come true!  Not only are they leaving, but they threw themselves out!  Yippeeeeeeee!  I would celebrate, but truly I am still extremely sleep deprived, and I feel like crap.
8.  Life still goes on......even if you haven't had any sleep.  So yeah, we still packed 30lbs of fun into a 5lb weekend.  Mall, church, play practice, Chuck E Cheese, shopping, showing the apartment, and the list goes on and on.....
9.  Christmas.  Now this is my very favorite time of the year!!!!!  The decorations, the cookies, the food, the celebrating, the gathering with family, and most of all - the wonder and excitement of my children!!!  Each thing seems magical, and every year it's new because they are each experiencing things at a different level.  I love everything about it!  So while all of the other craziness in my life is happening, I try to pause each day and give thanks to God for all of my blessings and for his gift to us all; his son Jesus.

Still mad....

Today finds me still mad.  Very mad.

The worst part is, we have totally been working with these people.  Now I feel like trying to help them is coming back and biting us in the backside.  How do I not become jaded about helping others in any way like this in the future????  I have tried praying on this, and I guess maybe it's too soon to find some peace about it.  A big part of me wants to start a legal process, but I still feel like that's not the best way to go about it.  I guess I just need some time to cool off.

So, so, SOOOO MAD!!!!!!!

I am so freakin hot right now I can barely even form coherent thoughts.  &$*%?^*$%^)#@$*%&Y)!!!

We have a small apartment that we rent out.  Very basic.  Advertised as such.  No kitchen even.  Not a surprise; it was advertised that way, shown that way, and leased that way.  Now that the tenants are having a bad time, it is now unreasonable for us to expect them to pay the amount they agreed upon in the lease, because, well, they can't afford it, and we ask too much for what they are getting.

Basically, it is now our fault that they both work at fast food restaurants, have car problems, one of them went to jail, and the list goes on and on.  BUT........she did talk to her lawyer and knows that they have rights.  Are you effing kidding me???????????  You don't have money for rent, but you have a lawyer????  Ohhhhhhhhhhh, that's right, I am paying for that.  Folks, I am dumbfounded.

I think that I should go to bed before I say something even more inappropriate than anything I've already put down.  Except that I'm still too pissed to sleep.  Woosah.  Goosfrabba.  I feel pretty????

The weekend is almost here!

Woohoo!  That means that I will get to see my husband, other than when he comes to bed in the middle of the night!  It also means the end of the regular football season.  Once we get the schedule for playoffs and such, or as the team mom called it, the "preseason," we will know just how close to the end we are.

I think I am actually looking forward to my quiet time tonight.  I am going to get some grocery shopping done, and try to get my house a little in order.  And then I guess I will settle in again with a nice glass of wine and enjoy some quality Duck Dynasty time.  Maybe tonight I will use a plastic cup just to make it feel more authentic!  =D

It is only 2 weeks until Thanksgiving!!!  Where has the time gone?  After that, Christmas will be here in no time.  Sometimes it seems like time just slips through my hands.

Marriage is Sacred

I saw a comment on facebook a couple of days ago, and it has really been under my skin since then.  It was on a post about some famous unwed couple expecting a baby, or they just had a baby, or they want to have a baby, or who cares.  Anyway, people were voicing their congratulations or nastiness.  Mostly the nastiness was about them not being married, and someone commented about the divorce rate and people not wanting to put the work into their marriages these days, which led to a response that "marriage should not be work."

What??????????

Everything worth having is worth working for.  Absolutely you have to work on your marriage.  All relationships require a commitment of some sort.  A relationship can't survive without compromise and compassion.  I would think that a lot of the people that get divorced would describe at least part of the reason for the divorce to be that one or both of them put their relationship on autopilot.  While I agree that some of the aspects don't always feel like work, that doesn't diminish their importance.  Even down to details such as telling your spouse that you love them are things that are important.  It would be easy to stop under the premise that the other person already knows.  That might be true, but very little effort is required to remind them every day.  So, while I know that the daily grind can sure take it's toll on things, I sure hope my husband knows how much he is loved!  I will always try to go the extra mile to make sure our relationship stays strong, because I absolutely want it to last until forever!

As for the person that thinks marriage shouldn't be work, I wish you the greatest of luck in either finding a partner that your theory works with, or a swift divorce proceeding.

Incognito Mosquito

Sorry I have been in hiding recently!  What with the hurricane, and the politics, I have been hiding my head in  my pillowcase.  Now that the election is over, for better or worse, I think it's safe to come out.  AND, that means no more terrible political commercials!!!!  Woohoo!!!

As a note, I am praying hard for our friends to the north.  There are still so many doing without because of the storm, and they're faced with snow tonight.